Fox’s “Batman-without-Batman” soap opera is the most amazingly weird show on television. For every episode this season, Deadshirt’s own Sarah Register, Kayleigh Hearn and Max Robinson discuss the good, the bad…the beginning? of little Bruce Wayne, skinny Oswald Cobblepot, and Jim Gordon sans ‘stache as they try to find their way in the misery-soaked, work-a-day world of…GOTHAM.
Max: PRISON BREAK, GOTHAM-STYLE.
PRISON JIM IS SERENADED BY AN INVISIBLE CHILD CHORUS
Max: I like how these stylish Gotham prison uniforms make it look like everyone’s on the verge of breaking into “Jailhouse Rock.”
Kayleigh: Who else kept waiting for the twist ending where Gordon is summoned to meet a weight-lifting Vincent D’Onofrio?
Sarah: I really enjoyed this retelling of The Shawshank Redemption starring that “I’m too old for this shit” prison guard as Red and poor, sweet Puck as Tommy.
MEANWHILE IN THE HOUSE OF OSWALD-TRANTO
Max: Oswald Cobblepot as a heroine in a gothic novel continues to own. “Oh yeah there’s ghosts in this house” “Wow cool :)”
Kayleigh: Paul Reubens’ Ebeneezer Scrooge one man show looks great, though.
Sarah: I was giddy throughout this episode. This entire plotline was taken from a Charlotte Bronte novel and yet still felt fresh and entertaining as hell.
Max: “We’re all sinners, my boy” – Pee Wee Herman. I like how Oswald’s dad’s reaction to finding out he’s a known criminal is “pff what, no, next,”
Kayleigh: Later, Oswald’s step-sister tries to seduce him, but he valiantly resists a heterosexual experience.
WOW THIS GOT HEAVY REAL QUICK
Max: So is Harvey lying about Lee losing the baby or what?
Sarah: It looked physically painful for Harvey to deliver that news to his beloved Jim, so I think Harvey believes it’s the truth. Lee had that baby, though.
Kayleigh: I hope when we see Lee again she has the baby in tow. Considering that Ben McKenzie and Morena Baccarin just had a baby in real life, a tossed-off “she lost the baby” plotline kinda feels mean-spirited?
Max: Just to cut off this potential conflict of interest: The guy who saves Gordon from getting his ass kicked is a guy I went to college with, had no idea he was going to be on this. Wild stuff!
THE RETURN OF CARMINE FALCONE
Sarah: I’M STILL YELLING.
Max: Carmine Falcone is Bar Rescuing Jim from prison. I was really surprised Falcone popped up again, but I mean it’s not like he died or anything. Harvey Bullock (prison guard disguise variant) getting pissed off at Jim’s wishy-washy bullshit about deserving to be in prison was great.
Kayleigh: I did not get Vincent D’Onofrio, but I did get another aging, bald crime lord.
Sarah: I WILL NEVER BE OVER THE RETURN OF MY FAVORITE DON.
GORDON IS INSPIRED TO CARRY ON THANKS TO THE WORDS OF GEORGE MICHAEL
Max: R.I.P. Puck, you and I did an informative play about freshman orientation and now you’re dead from traumatic brain injury.
Kayleigh: ”Jim, win just one for the Puckster.”
Sarah: Ah, Puck. Mr. Rock and Roll. Cocky as hell. We liked him immediately.
A DARING MOB FAVOR PRISON ESCAPE
Max: This scene on the bridge is weirdly pretty for Gotham. How hilarious is it that Gotham spent like months getting Gordon into prison and this all goes down in a single episode?
Sarah: I mean, his murder trial took about 45 minutes, so this seems about right.
Kayleigh: If this episode taught me anything, it’s that Gotham City’s most hardened criminals fucking love Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. “Russ Tamblyn is a treasure,” said Boxcar Bart moments before stabbing a guard with a shiv made from a toothbrush.
Max: This is movie night, people!!!
ACID DAD DEATH
Sarah: “Son, I am going to change my will first thing in the morning and leave my entire fortune to you. First, let’s drink this alcohol my creepy af family brought me.”
Max: Darkest Timeline Ms. Yvonne inadvertently feeds Penguin Dad Pee Wee an acid cocktail. Oswald’s now watched both of his parents gruesomely die before his very eyes!
Kayleigh: Did anyone else freak out when the elder Mr. Cobblepot pulled out a monocle? Also, this episode has two different characters who say, “I’m not going to die” and then die.
Max: You guys. Gotham.
Gotham airs Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on FOX.