Fox’s “Batman-without-Batman” soap opera is the most amazingly weird show on television. For every episode this season, Deadshirt’s own Sarah Register, Kayleigh Hearn and Max Robinson discuss the good, the bad…the beginning? of little Bruce Wayne, skinny Oswald Cobblepot, and Jim Gordon sans ‘stache as they try to find their way in the misery-soaked, work-a-day world of…GOTHAM.
We’re going to level with you, folks. This week fucking sucks, and we all know why. This probably won’t be the funniest or wittiest Aw C’mon Gotham, but, in the face of scary real-life evil getting a seat in the White House, we hope this will help (even just for a few minutes on your lunch break today). Gotham is a show on television, although one perhaps slightly less insane to us now. Let’s talk about it.
THE DEATH OF PAULIE PENNIES
Max: Captain Barnes’s Blood Virus has advanced to the point that he’s basically Alex Jones now, just yelling at walls and tackling guys with super-strength. His unwitting target? A guy who gets rid of bodies for the mob. A guy with the totally normal, not weird name of Paulie Pennies.
Kayleigh: Gotham is the kind of city where going out for groceries means bumping into a guy who keeps human body parts in a van.
GORDON’S A COP AGAIN
Kayleigh: Harvey having a “Gordon’s back, must be a Tuesday, no fucks given” attitude was great.
Max: Gordon feels extremely secondary to this entire episode, to the point that he’s basically just playing straight man to all the insane unhinged shit Barnes says to him.
Sarah: Considering this is a show that has introduced and written off major comic characters in the span of an episode, I’m actually impressed with how long they’re letting this Barnes thing simmer. He’s a well-developed character and a good dude, and it’s going to be a major bummer when this all comes crashing down.
Kayleigh: Can I just say that Chelsea Spack has been killing it? I haaaaaaated it when Kristen was killed off, so it’s been fun to have her back, even for a little while.
Max: She’s great, both as the increasingly weird Isabella and as Nygma’s subconscious manifestation of Kringle.
OSWALD LOGS INTO THE MUTHAFUCKIN’ FRIENDZONE
Sarah: Isabella immediately recognizing Oswald’s feelings for Ed was a fun power switch.
Max: Gotham is the kind of TV show where The Riddler sends The Penguin, who is the Mayor of Gotham City, to go break up with his girlfriend on his behalf. Oswald, you have a city to run, m’man.
LEE’S ENGAGEMENT PARTY SEEMS CHILL
Max: Serious question: Does Lee Thompkins have any friends?
Kayleigh: Kristin? When she was alive? Lee having no life outside of her job or the men she’s dating is sad, though her hair got 70% bigger as soon as she became a mob wife (mob fiance?)
Sarah: I noticed the hair thing, too. She’s making room for all the mob secrets she’ll soon be privy to.
Max: Glad Barbara showed up to Lee’s Super Sweet 16 long enough to make things weird. Hey, what was up with Falcone Jr.’s bizarre joke about all Dogs being Boys and all Cats being Girls? Is Mario Falcone Weird Twitter? Is that his horrible secret?
THE LINE BETWEEN KRINGLES HAS BLURRED
Max: Isabella dresses up like the girlfriend Nygma murdered and it’s like….a sex thing?
Kayleigh: Isabella is a stone cold freak. But I love the Vertigo homage, right down to the weird green light when Isabella walks out fully Kringle-ized.
Sarah: This insight into the depraved mind of a librarian is hitting a little too close to home for me.
Max: Spice up your relationship by cosplaying as your boyfriend’s dead ex!
CAPTAIN BARNES IS JUST THROWIN’ DUDES THROUGH BATHROOM WALLS NOW
Kayleigh: He’s gone Full Judge Dredd.
Max: Barnes has an incurable case of They Live Disease, hallucinating the citizens of Gotham City as facemelting ghouls he has to kill in the name of “justice!” Very unfortunate.
PENGUIN CONFESSING HIS BROKEN HEART TO A BIG GOON
Max: I like to think that one specific mook listens to Oswald talk about all his problems while listening in stoic silence.
Sarah: Has that actor played anything other than a henchman ever? Same for Lee’s fiancé, who was also the son of a mob boss in TOM JANE’S PUNISHER.
Kayleigh: The glorious return of Gotham’s favorite secondary henchman, GABE!
Max: Oswald sent Gabe to cut Isabella’s brakes but her apparent death is off-screen, so presumably she’ll resurface next episode with like a hook for a hand or psychic powers from getting hit by a train. I guess we’ll find out next week…on Gotham.
Gotham airs Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on FOX.