Fox’s “Batman-without-Batman” soap opera is the most amazingly weird show on television. For every episode this season, Deadshirt’s own Sarah Register, Kayleigh Hearn and Max Robinson discuss the good, the bad…the beginning? of little Bruce Wayne, skinny Oswald Cobblepot, and Jim Gordon sans ‘stache as they try to find their way in the misery-soaked, work-a-day world of…GOTHAM.
This week’s Gotham has teen-on-teen violence, Jim Gordon earning his way into the Court of Owls’ good graces, and just a ton of Riddler schtick. Let’s, shall we?
WE OPEN IN ANTARCTICA SOMEHOW??
Max: UHHHHH how the fuck did Penguin and Poison Ivy end up in the middle of what is presumably the arctic tundra? What the fuck is happening?!
Sarah: I actually paused the episode at this point and backtracked thinking I had missed something. Nah, it’s just Gotham.
Kayleigh: They had an opportunity to have Penguin chilling with actual penguins (I know, wrong continent, don’t @ me) and didn’t take it.
Sarah: Kayleigh makes a devastatingly solid point.
WE GOTTA BEAT YOU INTO THE COURT OF OWLS, JIM GORDON
Max: Gordon’s made a lot of moral compromises on this show but lying to his ex-fiance about his uncle’s suicide feels especially low.
Kayleigh: At this point Gordon’s so dead inside he can’t even feign interest when his friends tell him his murdered uncle was fished out of a river.
Sarah: This man, who can’t even manage an eyebrow raise so his friends don’t think he’s a psychopath, is going to be Commissioner one day.
BARBARA IS AWARE OF THE A-PLOT
Max: Barbara Kween, Crime Detective.
Sarah: Remember when Barbara was a sad housewife and now she may be the dark horse to take out a hundred-year old secret society?
THIS IS SOME GOOD RIDDLER SHIT
Max: Nygma interrupting a performance of Hamlet while wielding a huge broadsword is wonderful.
Kayleigh: *clutches stab wound, falls off stage* “And I thought….the reviews…were brutal.”
Sarah: I can’t believe Jim basically talked over Harvey’s “guess he wasn’t meant to be” pun when you know he was sitting on that for like an hour.
IS BRUCE’S EVIL CLONE DYING?
Sarah: Of course he’s dying! It’s Gotham’s favorite way to clean up a plot line!
Max: Love to have a tense chess game with my progenitor’s butler then have a mysterious nose bleed, forcing me to contact my shadow society benefactors.
Kayleigh: If he was a teen with a buzzcut on a Netflix show this would mean his nosebleeds come with psychic powers, but nah.
MAYOR BINGBONG’S GOT A DANISH
Max: #Pray4Richard Kind
Max: Riddler’s whole plan here is pretty fun to watch unfold. Use bikers to start a fight in the ER! Torture the mayor!
Kayleigh: you, a riddler: “that ding dong, Mayor James” me, an intellectual: “that’s BING BONG, bitch”
Sarah: So hey I finally watched Inside Out this week and am officially IN on this bit. Also, what the fuck, Pixar?
Max: Pixar’s Bingbong died in a young girl’s imagination. Mayor Bingbong is worried about upsetting the mysterious Court of Owls.
FIREFLY WORKS IN SOME KIND OF DICKENSIAN SMELTING PLANT
Max: R.I.P. the evil overseer who wears like a full suit to manage a high temperature industrial factory, splashed in the face with molten metal by a fireproof teen. I like Penguin’s team.
Kayleigh: I’m sure Ivy insisting that Penguin is her “family” will in no way explode in her face. *looks at evil overseer’s charred corpse* Sorry, too soon.
Sarah: Ivy’s plucky naivety is the fuel for this family road trip.
Max: We’re just one Alan Arkin away from this being Little Miss Sunshine with Batman rogues.
MAN CAN WE TALK ABOUT TABITHA’S DISCO PUNK OUTFIT FOR A SEC?
Max: Butch! Sweet Butch. Tabitha walking around in some kind of chrome spike jacket completely rocks ass.
Kayleigh: If taking over Gotham’s underworld doesn’t work out, Tabitha has a sweet gig as a Janet Jackson back-up dancer in 1986 lined up.
Sarah: Special shout-out to Barbara’s Metropolis-inspired metallic backless dress as well. This show has been making a point of expressing the power of these women through fabulous wardrobe this season and I am extremely here for it.
THE RIDDLER’S USIN’ THE AIRWAVES TO SELL DIET PILLS
Max: Between the loud ranting about an illuminati-type group and all the skits, Riddler is basically Alex Jones now.
Kayleigh: Moments later, Nygma shoots Matthew Lesko on-air for stealing his style.
PLAYING CHICKEN WITH MAYOR BINGBONG
Max: Gordon’s like “man blow up the mayor, who cares”
Kayleigh: Barbara straight-up threatening to put the 1984 rat mask on Aubrey.
OH NO SELINA GOT DEFENESTRATED
Max: Whether it’s Batman Returns or Gotham, if you’re Catwoman you’re going to get thrown out a window by a psychopath. SPEAKING OF BATMAN RETURNS, they really just lifted that whole scene with the cats hanging out around her prone body? I ain’t even mad.
Kayleigh: Cinematic hairball Catwoman also stole this origin for Halle Berry, which is funny because I don’t think the comics have ever done this with Selina’s backstory, ever? Anyway, here’s Robin Lord Taylor sharing a cute story about this scene’s table read. KITTENS!
Sarah: This is like a demonstration of that saying “men are afraid women will laugh at them but women are afraid men will kill them.” But with kitties. Bruce clone can go ahead and die already.
HOW MANY WHITE KATOS DOES THE COURT OF OWLS HAVE?
Max: Ben McKenzie’s getting good at playing a real world-weary Gordon. Is The Riddler just the Court’s slave now or what?
Kayleigh: Gordon and Nygma sitting in the car like, “remember when we had fondue with our girlfriends before our lives went ass-up” was strangely affecting.
Max: I was really into that. A nice moment of acknowledgment between two characters in a show all about ninja intrigue and meta-criminal cabals.
Sarah: It’s a little sad knowing Jim’s life will never get any easier. If his hair went white as soon as the season finale, it would be believable.
PENGUIN’S CLUBHOUSE FOR SUPER-FREAKS
Sarah: Pengy is freak daddy.
Max: I like that Penguin makes Mr. Freeze sleep in the freezer of his palatial manor.
Kayleigh: The Real World: Gotham City is off to a great start. Fries is the Puck of the group.
Max: I guess we’ll find out next week what happens when these Batman villains stop playing nice and start acting REAL.
Gotham airs Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on FOX.