Fox’s “Batman-without-Batman” soap opera is the most amazingly weird show on television. For every episode this season, Deadshirt’s own Sarah Register, Kayleigh Hearn and Max Robinson discuss the good, the bad…the beginning? of little Bruce Wayne, skinny Oswald Cobblepot, and Jim Gordon sans ‘stache as they try to find their way in the misery-soaked, work-a-day world of…GOTHAM.
This week’s Gotham sees lots of moving pieces on the chessboard plus Court of Owls intrigue and super-villain shenanigans.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS IS BACK AND HE’S HORNY FOR VENGEANCE
Max: Gotham is a TV show where Michael Chiklis is a super strong maniac who nearly chokes a Court of Owls assassin to death.
Sarah: Tetch’s rhyming is so annoying that they locked him in the basement. Of Arkham. In his standard-issue top hat.
Kayleigh: Not even the toxic waste-chugging rats who definitely exist in Gotham want to share a cell with Tetch.
WHOOPS LEE FIGURED OUT THE PLOT
Max: Here’s a great question: Does it matter if Lee knows about Gordon going undercover with the Court?
Kayleigh: Not really, since her scenes are all about acting paranoid and vengeful and insisting a guy who shot himself in the head was a homicide.
Sarah: Gotham is just trying to prove that the GCPD still has a system of checks and balances.
OKAY EVERYONE PUT ON YOUR OWL MASKS AND WRITE DOWN WHO YOU WANNA SAVE FROM THE APOCALYPSE
Max: Everyone only gets a few guest passes for the Court of Owls survivor party.
Sarah: This is like a Br’er Rabbit situation. Did he write the names of people he wanted to protect or people he wouldn’t mind getting killed if the Court finds out he betrayed them?
Kayleigh: *Katherine reading Jim’s entry* “Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey I’m looking for Amanda Huggenkiss!”
POISON IVY’S GONNA HEAL SELINA WITH PLANTS
Max: Poison Ivy still being kind of bad at the mind control thing is kinda cute.
Sarah: Ivy is kinda cute in general nowadays.
Kayleigh: Ivy’s one of those people who thinks using hemp seed oil will cure not having a brain stem anymore.
Max: A cute dummy.
I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS MORTAL KOMBAT CHARACTER SPARRING WITH BABY BRUCE
Max: It’s cool that the Court of Owls has a guy on retainer to escrima stick fight with teens.
Kayleigh: Why do all these guys look like they’re cosplaying Netflix Elektra?
PENGUIN’S MAKIN’ MOVES
Max: “HEY JIM WHAT’S GOOD WITH THE COURT OF OWLS??” – The Penguin, basically
Sarah: Penguin seemed genuinely hurt that Jim would feel threatened by him. Friends are supposed to help each other!
Kayleigh: Jim’s that ex Oswald hooks up with again after his latest fling goes up in flames. “U UP?”
BRUCE AND HIS SENSEI ARE BEING HELLA CATTY IN THIS FLASHBACK
Max: Bruce is trusting this insane white ninja/cult therapist very easily.
Sarah: As heavy-handed as this plotline is, Bruce has an interesting choice to make here. I hope he sticks it to the Court and their manipulativey ways.
Kayleigh: Tonight on Heavy-Handed Metaphor Theater: Psychic Cufflinks in a Psychic Safe!
HUGO STRANGE HAS DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITYYYYY
Sarah: “You logical son of a bitch.” -Harvey, my love.
Max: Hugo Strange doesn’t give a shit about the Court’s plan to unleash a rage virus on Gotham. Hugo Strange just wants to eat.
Kayleigh: Uhhh, hey guys…where’s Fish?
Max: Probably getting more dudes to bring her sandwiches with mind control.
HEY CAN YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT OUR SECRET PLAN TO DESTROY GOTHAM?
Gordon: bae come over
Oswald: can’t, I’m dumb
Gordon: I’m going to tell you real subtle where a aerosol virus is going to be released come stop it.
Sarah: That Jim’s wildcard was to call Penguin to save him is why I love this show.
Kayleigh: Remember when Firefly flamethrower’d an assassin through the window of a debutante ball? That ruled.
NO HOSPITAL ROOM CAN HOLD SELINA KYLE
Max: Well that was a quick little plotline. Go kill clone Bruce, girl.
Sarah: Can no one make phone calls in Gotham? You just came out of a coma, Selina, send Alfred a text.
Max: Well we did get Bruce’s Owl Sensei calling up Katherine on some kind of flip phone from an ancient mountain prison.
Kayleigh: This season is 80% supervillains waking up next to Poison Ivy and saying “I have someone to kill.”
TIME TO HASH OUT SOME SHIT WITH MY EX IN THE MORGUE
Max: Lee’s pretty much on point here. Lee and Jim scenes on this show are so unpleasant now.
Sarah: WHYY is Lee still here?
Kayleigh: At this point I honestly would rather they write Lee out than give her more “YOOOOU INFECTED THIS PLACE!” lectures at Jim blaming him for the wrong things.
THE COURT OF OWLS IS SENDING THEIR HUNGRIEST BOY TO TAKE OUT GORDON
Max: I saw production photos of Barnes’ whole super-villain get up that we’ll presumably see next episode and I’m salivating.
Sarah: Why did the Court have him in a face mask? Is the EXECUTIONER a biter?
Kayleigh: Next episode, Jim is killed by a giant angry leather-clad egg.
Gotham airs Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on FOX.