Fox’s “Batman-without-Batman” soap opera is the most amazingly weird show on television. For every episode this season, Deadshirt’s own Sarah Register, Kayleigh Hearn and Max Robinson discuss the good, the bad…the beginning? of little Bruce Wayne, skinny Oswald Cobblepot, and Jim Gordon sans ‘stache as they try to find their way in the misery-soaked, work-a-day world of…GOTHAM.
Max: WE’RE HAVIN’ OURSELVES A MONK FIGHT! WOO!
TONIGHT ON SUPERMONK: THE SUPERMONKS ARE MAD THEIR BUSTED ASS CHURCH IS AN ASIAN BROTHEL NOW
Max: I kept expecting the St. Dumas dudes to run into David Lo Pan.
Sarah: How many themed brothels do you think Gotham has? Is the number above or below 50?
GORDON IS SAD HE DIDN’T EXECUTE THAT FLAMBOYANT LATINO
Max: I thought the Gordon descent into darkness plot line was over. I was wrong!
Kayleigh: Imagine the sheer restraint in not playing “The Sound of Silence” while Gordon stands grimly at a police funeral in the rain, sad that he did not kill a pink-haired cannibal.
Max: “I should’ve killed him, Lee” “Honey, that man was your prisoner. You did the right thing.” “Yeah…I should’ve super-killed him….man”
Sarah: Thank god Harvey is back to lighten the mood and do the actual detective work. We’re all of five minutes into the episode and he’s already linked Galavan to St. Dumas.
BRUCE AND SELINA PARENT TRAPPED THE SHIT OUT OF SILVER ST. CLOUD
Max: “This sexual romance is over” – Baby Bruce, victorious and shining. It was nice to see Bruce like…win for once.
Sarah: I thought for a second that this was a diabolical setup by Alfred after accusing his boss/ward of lacking deception skills. I am actually impressed with Bruce for the first time in…ever (even though Selina probably orchestrated most of it).
Kayleigh: “And Tommy Flanagan as The Knife” is a real credit on tonight’s episode.
Max: That guy ruled. He was really professional about kidnapping/psuedo-torturing Bruce and Silver at Bruce’s own clandestine behest. Dude’s probably got great reviews on whatever Gotham‘s crime version of Yelp is.
Kayleigh: I love Bruce and Selina, tiny vigilantes. Whenever they team up they end up killing a junkie assassin or hiring a rogue Kurt Sutter character to terrify a shitty teen girl. That was jaw-droppingly well-played.
Max: Can we talk about how MATCHES MALONE may or may not be THE GUY WHO KILLED THE WAYNES?! (I know there was a retcon in the comics that made Bruce’s Matches Malone identity based on a real dude, don’t @ me)
Sarah: Maybe it still is a made up name by Silver or maybe angsty baby Bruce is going to get so dark that he BECOMES the man who killed his parents to blend into Gotham’s seedy underworld.
WELCOME TO NINJA MONK ASMR WITH JGORDONGCPD1980
Max: Gordon you could’ve just like dripped water on that blindfolded ninja monk and he would’ve thought it was blood. You weirdo.
Kayleigh: Or used some of the spare blood from the dead guy instead of cutting yourself. That catacomb looked like infection city.
Max: Great Bullock moment where he just lets out a total Cathy ACK on his way out of the sacrificial altar room.
Sarah: Can we talk about how both Jim and Harvey completely owned these monks one on one? Aren’t these guys supposed to be like, trained fighters? And Harvey almost took down the catacombs throwing a monk through a support pillar (insert swoon).
Max: Galavan ought to get his deposit back on these monks, they suck.
ALFRED/TIGRESS FIGHT! AHH!!! AHHH!!!!
Max: ALFRED ESCAPING ON A GARBAGE TRUCK WITH A KNIFE IN HIS SHOULDER. That fight was basically over nothing and it ruled.
Sarah: I hope he wakes up in the dump next episode and mutters “saucy lit-el minx” before shaking a banana peel from his jacket and walking off with the knife still sticking out of his shoulder.
Kayleigh: “We have five minutes to fill, how about a whip/knife fight between Tabitha and Alfred” — the Gotham writers, apparently. Not that I’m complaining!
Max: They’ve been teasing Alfred’s insane combat skills since early last season and watching him *grab* that whip was so satisfying.
Sarah: There’s a point where he actually says “stop that” to Tabitha amidst their fight to the death because Alfred treats everyone like a petulant child.
THEO GALAVAN: CRAZY FOR CHRIST OR JUST REGULAR CRAZY?
Max: James Frain was at his Frain-iest this episode. So much power-gloating, bro was Norman Osborn-ing the fuck out.
Sarah: When he asked the judge if he could say a few words, I actually clapped.
Kayleigh: I was rolling my eyes at the classic “Villain leaves hero behind to be killed by random goons who will in no way fail at their appointed task” scene but it was worth it for PENGUIN ROLLING IN ALL BACKLIT BY FOG AND SHIT.
Sarah: Penguin discarding his short-lived role as stay-at-home wife to go slap some men in the face! Jim inevitably ending up shackled to Penguin in one way or another is one of my favorite Gotham plotlines.
Max: The fall finale is literally going to be THE COPS AND THE CROOKS TEAM UP TO TAKE OUT A DIABOLICAL CABAL OF CHRISTIAN NINJAS. Gotham is the most vital Batman story ever told.
Gotham airs Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on FOX.