Fox’s “Batman-without-Batman” soap opera is the most amazingly weird show on television. For every episode this season, Deadshirt’s own Sarah Register, Kayleigh Hearn and Max Robinson discuss the good, the bad…the beginning? of little Bruce Wayne, skinny Oswald Cobblepot, and Jim Gordon sans ‘stache as they try to find their way in the misery-soaked, work-a-day world of…GOTHAM.
This week on Gotham: The Mad Hatter, The Mad Hatter’s runaway sister (and her messed up blood!), Clones, Sad Drunk Jim Gordon and the ins and outs of running Gotham City’s first lesbian super-villain club.
NOT-ADAM DRIVER IS HERE FOR THE STEAMPUNK CONVENTION, FOLKS
Sarah: Benedict Samuel was on The Walking Dead as a dangerous anarchist teetering on the edge of humanity and could have had one heck of a compelling arc, so naturally he was killed off after three episodes. I’m thrilled that he found his way to Gotham as one of the classic rogues gallery members.
Max: We’ve gotten a lot of takes on old Jervis Tetch in various Bat-Media, but this is definitely the first time he’s been a murderous con artist who’s searching for his sister, who has blood that turns people into rage zombies. Benedict Samuel feels like Gotham’s interpretation of the David Wayne version of the character from the 60s TV show, except now he nonchalantly murders people and takes over their mansions.
Kayleigh: I appreciate Gotham’s commitment to turning even the most cartoonish and ghoulish of Batman’s rogue’s gallery into total hunks. But will he fuck his hat?
Sarah: How great was Tetch’s hypnotism of Barbara and Tabitha’s immediate “oh shit” reaction to his rejection of Barbara’s “feelings?” “She’s sensitive to rejection”—as Tabitha struggles to pry a broken wine glass away from Tetch’s throat.
JIM GORDON, THE BOUNTY HUNTER WHO CRAVES EMOTIONAL INTIMACY
Max: Each episode this season has felt like a new low point for the alcoholic gun-for-hire version of Gordon, but him trying and failing to get Valerie to stick around and cuddle the morning after their hookup might be the lowest yet.
Sarah: Jim: “But I’ll go to Ikea!”
Kayleigh: Next episode: Jim’s haunting acoustic performance of “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?”
THE PENGUIN’S RUNNING FOR MAYOR IT’S LITTTTTTT
Max: Cobblepot and Mayor James’ battle for the mayorship of Gotham City continues and it’s like the best wrestling promo of all time.
Sarah: Butch’s new hand attachment will be an “I believe in Penguin” button-maker.
Kayleigh: Haha, I sure am glad this subplot about an unqualified millionaire with a hair-trigger temper running for political office (“MAKE GOTHAM SAFE AGAIN!”) is entirely fictional and has no basis in reality. I mean, could you imagine?
Max: Oswald’s gonna build a wall and Fish Mooney’s gonna pay for it.
LITTLE BATMAN V. LONG HAIR CLONE OF LITTLE BATMAN
Sarah: Alfred hits another child, but it’s ok because he doesn’t feel pain! Oh and also he’s a bb Bruce double. Nothing about this is weird or uncomfortable!
Max: Man thank god this show has a subplot where teenage Bruce Wayne is getting Single White Female’d by his own mysterious doppelganger. David Mazouz does a nice job playing “Five” as a separate character, complete with a weird voice. Special shoutout to the production crew on this episode for making Bizarro Bruce’s self-inflicted haircut look kind of shitty.
Kayleigh: So, Five is basically Hugo Strange’s Stranger Things (Hugo Stranger Things?) Deviantart OC, right? (“Ms. Peabody, Five is totally a different character than Eleven…he has hair.”) Bets on where Five stashed Bruce? The Batcave? The trunk of Alfred’s car? In a barrel about to go over Niagara Falls?
DID WE MENTION MAD HATTER’S SISTER HAS 28 DAYS LATER BLOOD?
Max: How many high-fives were exchanged in the Gotham writers room when they named Tetch’s sister “Alice”?
Kayleigh: I like that Alice isn’t playing the role of the helpless damsel—she’ll burn a bitch if she has to, and when she finds out her creepy brother’s after her, she finds him and tries to blow his Party City Adam Driver ass away. What I don’t like is that this is after a creepy sitcom landlord makes an unwanted pass at her. I yelled “Aw, c’mon Gotham!” but not in a good way.
Sarah: Alice seems like an extremely cool character that we’ll probably never see again thanks to Jim turning her into the GCPD for cash (which, to be fair, is at least slightly better than handing her over to her brother).
OH YEAH LEE’S NEW BEAU IS CARMINE FALCONE’S SON
Sarah: MY FAVORITE DON (and his mommy issues) IS BACK BABY!
Max: Carmine “The Gentle Crime Boss” Falcone is back because Feed The Beast didn’t get a second season, and because his son Mario is engaged to Lee Thompkins. I’m sure this will work out well for everyone involved!
Kayleigh: Lee never made it all the way through The Godfather, but she hopes Al Pacino and Diane Keaton were very happy together.
Sarah: Do you think Lee looks a little like Carmine’s mother? Carmine does.
PENGUIN’S PUTTING TOGETHER A CREW AND HE NEEDS HIS BOY THE RIDDLER
Sarah: Not to look a counterfeit sanity certificate gift horse in the mouth but…
Max: I laughed SO HARD when Nygma walks out of Arkham and The Penguin just springs out of a car window like an excited puppy. Gotham’s so good.
Kayleigh: “GET IN, LOSER. WE’RE GOING SHOPPING.”
Gotham airs Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on FOX.