Fox’s “Batman-without-Batman” soap opera is the most amazing weird show on network television. For every episode this season, Deadshirt’s own Sarah Register, Kayleigh Hearn and Max Robinson discuss the good, the bad….the beginning? of little Bruce Wayne, skinny Oswald Cobblepot and Jim Gordon sans ‘stache as they try to find their way in the misery-soaked, work-a-day world of…GOTHAM.
After a one week Thanksgiving hiatus, Gotham is back doing what it does best: blowing things up in heated disputes over turf.
PYG IS GETTING USED TO HIS NEW ARKHAM DIGS
Max: I like that there’s no real uniform at Arkham Asylum, you just have to sort of loosely incorporate some stripes in it. Pyg’s a big audiophile, which is why he murders another inmate with a broken vinyl record. Plus what’s up with his face?!
Kayleigh: The role of Professor Pyg will now be played by Rob Lowe’s fucked-up face from Behind the Candelabra.
Sarah: I count, like, 13 code violations in this Arkham common room.
JUDGE THOMPKINS’ COURTROOM
Max: Lee Thompkins, who is now the unwitting queen of The Narrows, is finding her leadership tested.
Sarah: This has potential for an interesting power dynamic in Gotham’s underground, especially with Ed whispering in Lee’s ear and Grundy acting as her muscle.
Kayleigh: It’s utterly hilarious to me that Jim is still completely unaware of this little soap opera involving his ex ruling an underground society of dog fighting rings and punks in pirate hats.
PENGUIN REALLY HATES FAKE FRIENDS
Max: Sofia Falcone being all “that mute kid’s a liar” was pretty funny. Anyway her cards are all on the table and Penguin’s farmed out her torture to a guy who looks like James Urbaniak.
Sarah: Is it weird that I don’t care about Sophia at all? I’m just happy that Zsasz is back to steal this scene.
Kayleigh: Crystal Reed reads every line in this deeply-enunciated “I’m lying” voice that makes it hard to be invested in anything she says. Does she really care about Jim? Who knows?
THE WHOLE TOWN’S GONE HOG WILD FOR THE PIG
Max: “You’re a flavor of the month, you porky fuck” – Gordon
Sarah: I wish Penguin could hear Jim telling other villains he’s better and cuter than them.
Max: Love that Pyg’s “true voice” just sounds like Will Ferrell’s old south KIA dealership owner from Eastbound & Down.
Kayleigh: This is why Jim hates theater people.
SAMSON’S GOT NARROWS LUNG (THAT ISN’T A THING)
Max: Really glad this is the kind of show where a big time fat guy crime boss eats an entire chicken dinner while coughing up blood.
Sarah: This boss is suffering from consumption and his mooks are wearing zoot suits. So we’re in the… 1930s? Guys for real, what year is it??
Kayleigh: When does Bruce follow his big screen predecessor and join the cast of Newsies?
WHO KNEW “THE DENTIST” HAD SUCH A RICH INTERIOR LIFE?
Max: Sofia threatens to kill torturer-for-hire The Dentist’s family if he doesn’t let her go. He does! And then she gets kidnapped by Barbara, Tabitha and Selina.
Kayleigh: I’m kind of shocked there hasn’t already been a three-episode arc about The Dentist, his murdered brother, and some kid named Joseph.
Sarah: Gotham’s Vixens are draped all over the room looking lovely in leather, evidently unable to sit on a couch properly.
MARTIN’S GOT THE BIG CHAIR
Max: I see no downsides to making a literal child your new second in command, Oswald.
Kayleigh: The Iron Throne used to be a lot softer and comfier.
Sarah: Oswald’s about to spray him with a water bottle.
NO MORE DIPLOMACY, LEE
Max: Lee comes back to find her medical practice trashed! Get your head in the game, Lee! Luckily she bounces back with a classic poison/antidote grift because Samson loves drinking and eating in a filthy alley for some reason.
Sarah: It actually kind of makes sense that Lee would become an angel of mercy killer.
Kayleigh: The whole series has just been leading to Lee Thompson becoming a serial killer.
Max: Zsasz fired a rocket launcher at Barbara’s gun parlor, Penguin’s verbally dressing down a crying mute orphan. And now everyone kind of realizes that Sofia suuuuucks. There’s a lot going on here, and even Gordon’s pretty tired of it.
Sarah: Oh good, I’m not the only one.
Kayleigh: Can we just declare Zsasz the MVP of the season and be done with it?
Max: Everyone’s playing five-level chess and betraying each other; meanwhile, Zsasz is over here not giving a fuck and having a ball.
EVEN TABITHA’S CREEPED OUT BY THIS MUTE ORPHAN
Max: Very polite of the girls to let Martin draw a quick “Kidnapped!” note.
Kayleigh: His artwork truly captured Barbara’s essence, though.
Max: Gotham is 100% the kind of show where crime ghouls meet to exchange a child underneath a bridge.
Sarah: Oswald’s initial power move is tattling on Sophia to her dad, followed by, uh, holy shit, blowing up a child?
NYGMA’S REACHED A TURNING POINT
Max: Hey, Lee trusting Ed is a bad call! He’s going to start hallucinating in a mirror two scenes from now!
Sarah: At this point, Lee is seeing her own dark side in the mirror, too.
Kayleigh: Riddle me once, shame on you, riddle me twice, shame on…Lee?
SIKE MARTIN’S ALIVE
Max: Oswald faked Martin’s death by car bomb and now he’s doing some Harry and The Hendersons shit and sending him away.
Sarah: I hope we get a scene of Zsasz dropping off Martin to a nice couple in a farmhouse. At gunpoint.
Kayleigh: He’ll make the casting director of the sequel to Orphan very happy.
Sarah: Surprise! Pyg’s real name is… exactly the same as in the comics.
Max: There’s obviously something more to “Pyg was a serial killer with no pig MO down south” but kind of a wet fart of a reveal after spending a whole episode on this.
Kayleigh: Pyg’s one of those cartoon pigs on barbeque shack signs down south that are REALLY into cannibalism. The clues were all there!
Gotham airs Thursdays at 8 PM on Fox.