Deadshirt

Maybe you’ve noticed the newest Facebook fad: using the what-would-i-say app to generate phrases out of everything you’ve ever said on Facebook, whether in a status or as a comment. We at Deadshirt saw this as an opportunity to make some sort of sense out of the random, and often hilarious, word salad the app produces. So we wrote some poems.

Raisins Used Footnotes To Gryffindor
Brian Garvey

What is a Lion’s butthole.
5050 meatfat ratio right?
Thanks for Kobe beef, Burger King demands it.
Going to feed a Polish family for side effects.
It’s been generally positive feeback on the rarest of meats.

Operation meatloaf is a shrine in less than ate moths.
Breakfast in bed sounds horrible.
It’s been quite the year.

SEND US YOUR BONES.

***

My Favorite Pastimes, Punching Nazis and Food and the Lake and Killing It
Christina Harrington

So I’m living life.
Good hot dogs, great few days.
Housing application I choose you.
I need to borrow an urge to paint,
going to survive until then.
File this under THE BEST.

Can’t stop dreaming about a better waiting.
“I need a Fairy Tale” is better than “I will.”
Heat when I find either.

Open to absolutely whoever is going to try and leave!

***

This is the Tool to Brainwash the Youth Soccer Team.
David Lebovitz

Will you know MY PAIN!
Roger Clemens is playing in a human centipede.
Conan is making a political statement than I saw in Israel.
That, and I’ve had doubts about the rest of the season.

Please click insert coin twice, you get right down to a scary how my generation will recognize most of the Walking Dead.
There are 25 characters, themes, and could lead to Broadway.
I love the idea of Nic Cage going back

Now I’m not really PAIN, per se, because Joe Piscopo is pretty much every other Westminster folk I think about it.
Tums aren’t working, but opposite way.
Looking at the makings of an egg high school district.

Yup, looks like I can bench press a dragon.

***

Sigourney weaver looks like the internet
Jen Overstreet

Dear Nintendo please repost this:
This is now
I have not
I have ever
Come to this

***

They Remade The Most Humbling And Gratifying Experiences I Have OPINIONS About
Sam Paxton

Drinking, the winner is you
Actually that’s a fun afternoon ahead of me
Aww snap y’all, I’m not to touch it
(Well, it’s totally worth it)

Romanticizing your despair is a BOOGER BUBBLE:
I am the 1.3%
I am poor (and it’s tolerable) and kind of feeling disappointed
I am just so into dinosaurs
I am ASKING THE INTERNET, “Surely, you’re looking for us?”

Now I am going
Turned out to be struck by a motor vehicle
NO
I didn’t want to die (?)

***

After a long time, a lot of autotuning
Julian Ames

hey david, wax on, FUCK OFF!
Playing in the back, fingerpicking his guitar.

First of the rest of a decade’s a liquor store!!!
For all those crazy Groundhog Day

Have you ever really believe we go!
Living room to get her username
Facebook brought back for the blood
Now a murder, so I can say so myself.

Newsflash you stupid fucking engrish in so much trouble
it’s pretty cool
At least the sense of SNL.

Get a normal one, TWO, THREE, FOUR!
Just got greed, you
Need more Rock Idols

SO LICK MY BUTT AND SUCK it
And David, bite me

***

ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS TAXI
Haley Winters

WARNING WARNING WARNING I’m obsessed with you
It feels like you
Because I literally can’t speak or breathe anymore

I’m not the planet. You are more than just a friend, or a cynical asshole, because I had as much fun as I did.

Baby you light every insecurity I may have,
It was an accident, and bodily functions, and enjoy this

So, who wants to reimburse my bail money?

Oh man, technology makes us terrible people.
Okay okay okay okay I promise this:

I’m not gay, but…
I’m probably gonna miss you.

***

Brevity
Patrick Stinson

Intensely excited for reasons which escape me
I heard it from 2000 or so.
It’s simple in this reminds me
Max Impossible to know why that makes it down.

I’m in Westminster for a weekend.
Checked out your soul. On a related note, I be Totodile?
Yeah, I can play anything but I haven’t already booted the new Metroplex? Hasbro Rep Uh…

Had tons of fun at least, more fun! Stick to smoking, Godzilla!
AUTOBOTS, ROCK salt in the mouth?
I heard it from ravaging mankind is the Teselecta?
I’ll be comfortable with it for like, inspiration if I converted.

Meh, it’s only the cardboard/whatever in a handbasket. AND MURDER HIM.

***

This might be here
Madie Coe

Hold on to the ground.
I’ll be the air that inhabits you
and by song I mean literally a waterfall outside my belly is icky and I can’t believe it

No real quick and make enough fireworks, or the beach
Body broken. Belligerently tired. Can it
I’m considering starting a bonfire with my head
I know, i am free at an inferno.

fuck it, i just gotta pass us and a happy
next Saturday at the MOON HAPPY

***

Like these poems? Snap your fingers! Vigorously! Have a poem of your own? Share it with us on our Facebook page!