Fox’s “Batman-without-Batman” soap opera is the most amazing weird show on television. For every episode this season, Deadshirt’s own Sarah Register, Kayleigh Hearn and Max Robinson discuss the good, the bad….the beginning? of little Bruce Wayne, skinny Oswald Cobblepot and Jim Gordon sans ‘stache as they try to find their way in the misery-soaked, work-a-day world of…GOTHAM.
Gotham this week is all about Teen Scarecrow making his first big move, Teen Batman getting some necessary help from his two dads, and Teen Catwoman making some poor choices in allies. All this plus a new local business, Jim Gordon shrugging off yet another mind-controlling drug and a debate over the necessity of police in civil society! Special note: Sarah is off this week so please welcome special guest Aw C’mon Gothamite Andrew “Nemo” Niemann.
WE GOT A TEEN MANIAC ON THE LOOSE AND HARVEY’S THINKIN’ ABOUT THAI FOOD
Max: I’m digging how the B-plot of a normal episode of Gotham led to the accidental creation of the Scarecrow as a fully realized entity. These goons just wanted to rip off banks and now Jigsaw Jr.’s out there!
Nemo: Teen Scarecrow passed his Cillian Murphy look-alike audition and is ready for prime time.
Kayleigh: The voice of The Simpsons’ Squeaky Voiced Teen coming out of Scarecrow’s rotting feedbag face is surprisingly effective.
Max: LOL Gotham Scarecrow is perpetually five seconds from “uhhh…I’ll have to ask my manager.”
BRUCE IS LAWYERED UP
Max: Bruce fell through a skylight, let some burglars run off and got arrested. The Batman dry run…had some issues.
Kayleigh: Luckily for Bruce, Accidentally Falls Through Skylights Man was too long for a codename.
Nemo: He’s still learning how to fall through glass with style and panache.
Max: GORDON: Hey Bruce remember when you ghosted on me yesterday? …I’m still pissed about that.
HALLOWEEN STRONGSAD IS HERE FOR YOUR ASS, WARDEN
Max: Gotham’s Scarecrow isn’t really “scary” at this point but this is definitely what a teenage boy’s concept of the character would be. All blasting your surrogate torture dad in the face with spooky LSD while showing off your new look.
Kayleigh: *sees creepy fear gas clown* Cameron Monaghan looks great.
Max: Nice of Pennywise to make a cameo here.
Nemo: You’ll crow too.
THE PENGUIN’S BACK ON HIS BULLSHIT
Max: Hey Oswald can you enter a room normally like even one time?? Shout out to Penguin’s goon whose whole job is holding his cane.
Kayleigh: And now, Tommy Wiseau’s impression of Harvey Bullock: “You-ahh just a leettle chicken CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP CHEEEEEP”
Max: LIVING for Oswald and Gordon/Harvey’s dueling old timey smacktalk. *Holds up embarrassing newspaper headline and mugs for the press*
Nemo: Oswald hates cops and loves crime. Very relatable.
BARBARA’S ALIVE AND SHE’S RUNNING AN ESCAPE ROOM I GUESS
Max: We were supposed to get Barbara as Harley Quinn last season but that never happened so now she’s a bespoke John Wickian arms dealer? Aight.
Nemo: It’s weird that Barbara is given a brand new character every season. This year she’s the Atomic Blonde for some reason.
Kayleigh: That was one awkward reunion for Barbara and Tabby, and I say that as someone who bumped into my ex at a Renaissance Fair.
ALFRED THE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BUTLER-DAD
Max: Look at the sandwich Alfred’s making as he bitterly tells Bruce he’s not ready to fight crime. Can you imagine how insanely good one of Alfred’s sandwiches must be?
Nemo: Alfred’s whole deal this episode is making charcuterie whilst giving Bruce vague lessons about vigilante morality. What a good butler.
Kayleigh: Now I want an Alfred cooking show where he cooks sandwiches, kippers, and occasionally kills roving gangs of bondage cyber mimes with kitchen knives.
GORDON’S GOING FULL GARY COOPER IN HIGH NOON
Max: I’m glad Gotham is getting back to one of its main conceits, which is that the GCPD fucking sucks except Gordon. Anyway, Gordon’s gotta go deal with some Silent Hill nonsense at Arkham, which has been taken over by Teen Scarecrow.
Kayleigh: This must be what it’s like inside Rob Zombie’s head.
Nemo: Gordon has to go punch the split personality out of Crane.
IT’S DOLLAR DAYS AT BARBARA’S IKEA FOR GUNS
Max: Robin Lord Taylor just devouring scenery in this episode, practically doing somersaults while they’re looking around Barbara’s shop. Zsasz’s “I’m gonna take this :)” was maybe my favorite bit in this one.
Kayleigh: Barbara and Penguin’s new haircuts are gonna challenge each other to a fight.
Max: Hey so uhhhh Barbara’s working for Ra’s, right? Back from the dead? Tons of money and resources? Prrrrobably providing arms for a big war?
Nemo: I dunno but I bet she also sells weed and Quaaludes.
SORRY JIM’S TRIPPING
Max: Ah, Gordon and I are afraid of the same thing, more terrible underwritten Lee Thompkins plotlines.
Kayleigh: Can you believe they wasted Morena Baccarin’s time for another useless “Jim’s scared he’ll lose Lee :(“ nightmare sequence?
Nemo: Gordon’s greatest fear is…suicide by wrist cutting? This is so dumb. Also, yes Gordon is just immune to fear toxin through sheer willpower.
Kayleigh: It would be an interesting twist if the show ever acknowledged Jim’s metahuman resistance to rage viruses and fear toxins.
BRUCE WAYNE IS….ASSASSIN’S TEEN
Max: On one hand, Bruce still got his ass handed him to a bunch of adult newsies. On the other hand, grappling hook!
Nemo: The grappling hook was the best part of the episode and I can’t wait until he accidentally kills someone with it.
Kayleigh: Somewhere, Mabel Pines nods with sage understanding.
EVEN THE OTHER CHARACTERS HATE IVY
Max: Ivy’s been a pseudo-adult for a while now and she hasn’t really…DONE anything? Can’t really blame Selina and Tabitha throwing her out on her ass after she proposes a Gotham City Sirens team up.
Nemo: Ivy is definitely going to triple-cross everyone this season.
Kayleigh: Poison Ivy, the classic Batman villain known for her scientific genius, having the literal mind of a child has worn perilously thin.
AH YEAH IT’S THAT GOOD LUCIUS FOX SHIT
Max: I hope the producers of Gotham sent Christopher Nolan a bottle of wine for just cold using the Lucius Fox Batman costume scene from Batman Begins. Please note: I still love this.
Nemo: Lucius Fox is not only incredibly intelligent but amazing at sewing!
Kayleigh: Is there one single adult in Bruce’s life who isn’t going to enable this shit?
TABITHA AND BARBARA HAVE A VERY COMPLEX RELATIONSHIP
Max: When you demand your ex cuts off her hand because you and your dead boyfriend both lost their hands to the Penguin and she offers it up but you deliberately miss to prove a vague point about trust.
Nemo: I hate it when Barbara and Tabitha fight in front of their child: Lil Catwoman.
Kayleigh: Good thing Babs is an ARMS dealer, right??? Haha, we have fun here at Deadshirt.net.
A VISIT TO THE CHINATOWN POTIONSMONGER
Max: How do we feel about Poison Ivy drinking a bunch of random vials to become Super-Shredder?
Kayleigh: IVY’S HOPPED UP ON THE SERUM
Nemo: If Ivy doesn’t turn into a Swamp Thing this season then this sub-plot is a complete failure.
FEELS LIKE I’M WEARIN’ NOTHING AT ALL
Max: Well Bruce looks like he’s a human condom but I still got pretty hype at him doing rooftop Batman leaps while Alfred offers color commentary.
Nemo: What moron called this show Gotham and not Batman Boy-gins?
Kayleigh: The prequel to NBC’s The Cape is off to a great start.
Gotham airs Thursdays at 8 PM on Fox.
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