Fox’s “Batman-without-Batman” soap opera is the most amazingly weird show on television. For every episode this season, Deadshirt’s own Sarah Register, Kayleigh Hearn and Max Robinson discuss the good, the bad…the beginning? of little Bruce Wayne, skinny Oswald Cobblepot, and Jim Gordon sans ‘stache as they try to find their way in the misery-soaked, work-a-day world of…GOTHAM.
It’s been a long road to this, the finale of Gotham Season 3! Technically, it’s two episodes aired back to back but for all intents and purposes, it’s a two hour mega-bomb of Gotham City madness. People live! People die! Destiny calls, will Bruce and co. accept the charges?
RAGE VIRUS TO CITY: DROP DEAD
Kayleigh: Good to know bank tellers will still be dicks to you IN THE MIDDLE OF AN APOCALYPSE.
Max: Gotham loves schtick and you better believe that means a big effects heavy scene of an old lady robbing a bank hopped up on rage blood while a fiery train blows through a station.
Sarah: This finale cranked up the volume on its vague time period aesthetic, so of all the things this crazy show can pull off in a rage-infected city, they land on a classic bank job.
“GORDON HAS THE RAGE” SAYS HELPFUL GRAFFITI
Kayleigh: Nothing says “I’m the hero of the show” like Gordon being the only infected person in the city who can hold the virus in check.
Max: Harvey took Gordon’s gun away but then gave it back when he promised not to kill people in a virus-fueled frenzy.
Sarah: Gordon’s gawking into a mirror with all the stability of Jack Nicholson staring out the window of the Overlook, and Harvey is all, “you’re fine.”
Max: Can’t tell if I like or dislike that they never explain where that graffiti came from.
FRIENDSHIP ENDED WITH EDWARD, NOW FISH IS MY BEST FRIEND
Max: Barbara all talkin’ about Edward’s “big brain.” I also love Hugo Strange being incognito except for an OUTRAGEOUS tie while trying unsuccessfully to skip town.
Sarah: Fish is the Ash Ketchum of Hugo freaks.
Kayleigh: “OHHHH NUUUUUU.” Guys, I am going to miss BD Wong’s line readings so fucking much.
Max: BD Wong’s Hugo Strange voice is probably my favorite thing about this whole show. Hey, how blessed are we to get a Batman thing where Jada Pinkett bosses around Mr. Freeze?
BEEP BOOP I AM ROBOT BRUCE
Kayleigh: Oh no, Alfred has to interrogate someone without stabbing them or dropping them off a building.
Max: Bruce describes an evil old ninja he’s known for a couple weeks as “his best friend” and Alfred immediately makes fun of him for it. HOW WILL ALFRED REACH THIS BOY??
Sarah: That was just a defense mechanism. Bruce refers to another violent old man as his best friend and teacher and it stung.
PENGUIN’S DRINKIN’
Max: Living plot device Hugo Strange getting menaced by Mr. Freeze and Firefly only to get tortured with an Oculus Rift by Penguin.
Kayleigh: I could have used eight more episodes of Penguin and Fish reuniting to take down Gotham. Mr. Freeze and Firefly were pretty hilarious as supervillain frenemies.
Sarah: A sass of ice and fire.
AHHH JIM’S TOO HORNY AND STRONG
Max: Harvey: Jim, please stop tearing doors off my car.
Gordon: No promises my dude.
Sarah: Jim’s rage serum is so strong that it turns Harvey into the straight man.
Kayleigh: You know, I once popped a blood vessel in my eye and looked just like Jim here.
I WOULD DIE 4 U
Max: The Alfred stuff these last few episodes has been SO GOOD. I’m not made of stone, I got choked up with Alfred put his cards on the table for Bruce.
Sarah: Alfred both defines himself and also informs Bruce as Batman when he tells him that purpose and love mean protecting the thing you care about most. It’s actually an impressive moment of storytelling by Gotham standards.
JIM GORDON’S LEAGUE OF EVIL EXES
Sarah: By the time we hit the series finale, Jim really will have 7 evil exes and they will all be working at Sirens.
Kayleigh: It’s Martial Law in Gotham City, but people still go to Barbara’s club for watered down drinks and shitty Blondie covers.
Max: Butch’s role on this show is to get perpetually owned by strong, evil women and I’m here for it. At this point, it’s got to be a fetish for him.
IT’S THE TWO-HOUR GOTHAM SEASON FINALE SO YOU BET YOUR ASS THERE’S A NINJA FIGHT
Max: Two DIFFERENT clandestine ninja groups have had warehouse fights on Gotham between three seasons. Jim and Harvey just walked into the craziest Mortal Kombat cut scene of all time.
Kayleigh: So Jim is an expert swordfighter now? Sure, whatever.
Sarah: The serum brings out your darkest desires and Leonardo was always Jim’s favorite Ninja Turtle.
FISH IS SWIMMING UPSTREAM TO THAT BIG RIVER IN THE SKY
Max: Fish is cool with her accidental Curb Your Enthusiasm-style death at the hands of Jim Gordon. R.I.P. FISH, may the curb rise to meet your stilettos.
Kayleigh: “Oh, this shit again.” – Fish
Sarah: Fish and Oswald make amends just in time for Oswald to have another mother (figure) die in his arms. Fish may not have been queen of Gotham like she wanted, but she had an influence on all its major players. She’s our mom too.
HEY NOW HERE’S “RAYSH” AL GHUL, SUCK IT LIAM NEESON
Kayleigh: Bruce just wandered onto the Iron Fist set. And hey, Ra’s Al Ghul is played by an actual Arab man for the first time in fucking history.
Sarah: Ra’s looks and sounds the part, but his tiger cape screams Siegfried stand-in.
Max: Ra’s I guess lives in the coolest Chinese restaurant of all time? This is the first time we finally see Alexander Siddig as Ra’s and I respect that he lives in some kind of Chinatown haunted house COMPLETE WITH LAZARUS PIT.
Kayleigh: Ra’s has a pool full of Ecto Cooler, but do NOT ask him what he thought about the all-female Ghostbusters.
Max: Within five minutes of screentime, Gotham Ra’s backhands Alfred and hands Bruce a huge sword THAT HE USES TO STAB ALFRED THROUGH THE CHEST. I’m LOVING it.
WE OPEN ON THE SECOND HALF AND RA’S AL GHUL IS DOING DAVID BLAINE MAGIC
Max: Everyone complains that we don’t get Bruce as Batman (MORE ON THAT LATER) on this show but uhhhh counterpoint lil Bruce just healed his murdered butler with water from the Lazarus Pit within an hour of meeting Ra’s Al Ghul.
Kayleigh: This scene was like one of those Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade fan remakes produced by eighth graders, but it would have been nice to hear Alfred croak “JUNYAH” at Bruce.
Sarah: Dumping Alfred in Gotham Bay would have been just as effective for bringing him back to life.
LEE THOMPKINS TO JIM GORDON: LET’S GO BE GHOULS TOGETHER
Max: Jim Gordon on the blood virus is basically just Alex Jones. Just constantly on the verge of a meltdown because of a globalist conspiracy.
Sarah: Exactly how much eyeliner did Lee go through this week?
Kayleigh: The scene where Lee threatens to gouge out the eyes of the girls working at Sephora was cut for time.
BARBARA IS SURROUNDED BY INCOMPETENTS
Max: The weird Barbara-Tabitha-Butch poly family is O V E R. The Gotham re-enactment of Freefire is nuts.
Sarah: “You might want to use your inside growls when making calls inside the GCPD” is both a sick burn and a piece of advice Gordon should really take.
Max: Move over jar of urine from Batman v. Superman! “Mason jar full of Tetch blood” is here!
Kayleigh: TETCH IS DEAD! *Krusty the Clown laugh*
Sarah: Remember 5 minutes ago when Harvey didn’t want to trade Penguin for Tetch because ethics, and now we’re all fine with slashing a man’s throat over an open mason jar?
Max: Ohhhh Tetch is fine, they taped up the wound!
SERUM BATTLE
Max: Just two blood virus-zombie people making out in some rando mansion, classic Gotham.
Max: These two episodes are just non-stop “Remember Who You Are” scenes. HARVEY STILL BELIEVES IN JIM GORDON.
Sarah: Harvey mirrors Alfred and saves his favorite person WITH LOVE. Also cleverly hidden antidotes.
BUTCH NOOOOOO
Sarah: At this point in this episode I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve yelled.
Max: Butch survived almost three full seasons of Gotham only to get one in the dome! Rest easy, gentle giant of crime.
Kayleigh: Butch is not allowed to die before he gets a rocket hand that fires missiles.
PENGUIN TO RIDDLER: DROP DEAD
Sarah: It was pretty juicy to watch Penguin go from petulantly yelling “it’s MY turn to kill YOU” to completely owning Ed because he knows him so well.
Max: Oswald finally got his groove back and and Nygma’s a Riddlersicle! This finale isn’t messing around!
Kayleigh: Oswald’s arc this year can be summed up as “BITCH YOU THOUGHT”
BARBARA: LISTEN, MISTAKES WERE MADE
Max: Laughed outloud when Tabitha threw Butch’s fake hand at Barbara. It’s kind of nuts how many people get bumped off this episode: Alfred (almost), Fish, Butch, Barbara, Nygma (well, sort of).
Kayleigh: *”Tainted Love” intensifies*
Sarah: Barbara had no chance going hand to hand with Tabitha, but I still screamed and ran around my living room when I saw her lifeless eyes.
Kayleigh: I’m glad that Tabitha is finally getting her time to shine outside of Galavan and Barbara’s shadow, but I refuse to accept Barb’s death. LONG LIVE BARBARA QUEEN!
Sarah: Death is meaningless in Gotham, but, just in case, I’m sporting sackcloth and ash until next season.
Max: We were promised Harley Quinn and she never showed up here sooooo maybe that’s Barbara’s deal next season.
OOOH WE GOT SOME CRUCIAL BATMAN STUFF FOR YA
Max: Selina uses the whip! Oswald’s gonna open up the Iceberg Lounge! UH BUTCH IS SOLOMON GRUNDY?! Na na na na na na Batman!
Kayleigh: I love that the big reveal is, “Oh, his real name is Cyrus Gold” like that wouldn’t be complete nonsense to anyone who doesn’t know how to use the words “post-Crisis continuity” in a sentence.
Sarah: Remember when I called Butch becoming Solomon Grundy at the end of a Roundtable back in 2015??? Nailed it. *casually deletes all references to Barnes also being Grundy*
Max: Sarah, this is incredible.
IN THE IRRATIONAL NIGHTMARE OF GOTHAM CITY, THE ONLY SOLUTION IS DRINKING
Sarah: Harvey’s got the real cure for Jim’s woes and rage viruses.
Max: Jim and Harvey are gonna crack some cold ONES and try to forget about the non-stop ninja cults and super-villains for one night.
Kayleigh: I mean….this is a really tidy bow to wrap up “half the city is infected with the Rage Virus and, oh, also on fire” and the end to Jim and Lee’s emotional arc makes no sense, but Jim and Harvey’s friendship is the bedrock of the show, so I ain’t even mad.
BATMAN……………………………BEGINS
Max: Ahhhhh man I marked out at Bruce stopping those muggers in disguise. They’re really doing this!!!!
Sarah: Gotham has emphasized how truly ineffective the GCPD is this season especially. This city is holding out for a hero.
Kayleigh: Families love going down Certain Doom Lane. Anyway, can’t wait to see our beloved bat-boy become…slightly older bat-boy.
Max: It’s going to be a long wait for Season 4 and we’re uh definitely going to need to figure out how to write around the show switching to Thursday nights but on behalf of Sarah, Kayleigh and myself, thanks for joining us on this wild ride.
UNTIL NEXT TIME, GANG!
Deadshirt staff writer. Conceived by the unholy union of Zeus (in the guise of a corn dog) and ED-209. Has written for City Paper, Courthouse News. Twitter famous.
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