Fox’s “Batman-without-Batman” soap opera is the most amazingly weird show on television. For every episode this season, Deadshirt’s own Sarah Register, Kayleigh Hearn and Max Robinson discuss the good, the bad…the beginning? of little Bruce Wayne, skinny Oswald Cobblepot, and Jim Gordon sans ‘stache as they try to find their way in the misery-soaked, work-a-day world of…GOTHAM.
Max: This week’s Gotham was relatively reserved by Gotham standards! Mainly, we saw Theo Galavan’s mayoral ambitions emerge and the founding of Jim Gordon’s elite cop squad. But stuff still happened, and we have to talk about it.
ALFRED STRUCK A CHILD. AND IT WASN’T EVEN THE CHILD HE WORKS FOR!
Max: I still can’t believe Alfred straight up smacked tiny Selina in the face.
Sarah: I can. It’s still shocking and awful, but Alfred has no subtlety when it comes to protecting bb Bruce. When a computer threatened the kid, Alfred beat it to pieces. Selina’s tears broke my heart, though.
Max: I’m kinda glad someone remembered that Selina straight up murdered a guy. Is Alfred the only character to call Selina out on her shit?
Sarah: Yeah, OK, so the slap was a little bit justified.
Kayleigh: I gasped when he hit her. Selina did kill a guy—but he was also a hired goon who nearly killed Alfred and threatened Bruce. So fuck you, Reggie.
Max: Yeah it was odd that he was mad that she killed his friend who tried to kill him. Alfred has a strange but very specific code of honor.
Kayleigh: While Alfred’s bond with Bruce is frequently very touching, I like how the show is clear that Alfred is also a fucked up enabler who is going to be partly be responsible for Bruce growing up into this violent, warped vigilante.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS, RUNNIN’ THINGS
Max: I’m like instantly sold on Chiklis’ Captain Barnes character. The bit where he rounds up all the corrupt cops and fires them on the spot is awesome. It’s some amazing Monkey’s Paw shit too, because even though he’s trying to reform the GCPD, he’s pretty obviously unstable. What was UP with him being super pass-agg about Gordon sleeping with Thompkins?
Sarah: Immediately axing all the corrupt cops was a fist-pumping moment, but also kind of guaranteed that this man is going to have a downfall.
Kayleigh: Man, I super don’t give a shit about this guy. His macho “rah rah Semper Fi!” shit doesn’t interest me, and there’s absolutely something fishy about him. Sarah, I think you mentioned on Twitter that the Police Academy X: Gotham-A-Go-Go scenes would have been the perfect time for the show to introduce Renee Montoya and Crispus Allen? Instead of rushing to introduce them in the first season and then having absolutely no material to give them.
Sarah: Oh, you mean a young task force of good, uncorrupted cops for Gordon to train and mold? Literally the building blocks of Gordon’s entire relationship with Montoya? Yeah that got me a little bitter about the treatment of those two characters who are still MIA this season.
Max: Crispus Allen is very happy upstate on a special farm for Crispus Allens, you guys. I feel like the Gotham Mod Squad will all die horrible deaths by the end of this season.
Sarah: I thought they were already done for when they met Zsasz.
Kayleigh: Chiklis and the new recruits are like the inverse of Galavan and the Maniax, so they’re all dead in three episodes, tops.
AW C’MOM, PENGUIN
Max: Really dug how the Penguin/Galavans scene totally flips the dynamic of most Penguin scenes from this season so far. Also, glad to see Butch in the mix and that he’s confused as to why he’s STILL involved in all this stuff.
Sarah: I found it funny that Butch is completely aware that his mind has been fucked with and just kind of goes with it.
Kayleigh: I want to write an entire article all about Penguin’s adorable little outfit, with the bowler hat and “I’m going to rob an 1800s steam locomotive” bandana. Oh, and he stabbed a woman to death.
Max: “THIS IS GOTHAM, YOU CAN FIND AN ASSASSIN THE PHONE BOOK. UNDER A.” This is why no one likes you, Oswald.
Kayleigh: That wink! Oh, Oswald, this is why you’re the King of Garbage.
Sarah: Both Penguin and Jim have been forced to kill people this season. It will be interesting to watch Jim juggle hunting down Penguin while also completely avoiding him.
Max: Phase 2 of Theo Galavan’s master plan: “blackmail The Penguin into murdering enough people so I can build Delta City in the ruins of Old Detroit.” I LOVED Tabitha Galavan’s shitty “yayyyyy,” btw.
Sarah: I loved Barbara’s complaint about being trapped in an apartment for days.
Max: I totally missed that! Amazing.
Kayleigh: Barbara, of all characters, getting meta.
HEYYY, IT’S VICTOR ZSASZ!
Sarah: Victor walking into a room like he owns it and playing a little ditty on the piano.
Max: Not that this is a new development but I do dig that Gotham Zsasz ditches all the overwrought comics serial killer stuff for “Bullseye from Daredevil with alopecia.” Dude is constantly having a great time.
Kayleigh: It’s interesting that they dropped the “he carves the numbers of his kills into his skin” gimmick so quickly, but he’s fun enough not to feel like a generic assassin character. Zsasz putting on the campaign button was a nice touch.
WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH NYGMA’S NIGHTMARE MEATLOCKER APARTMENT? #PRAYFORKRINGLE
Max: Most of my OKCupid dates involve me making creme brulee for two and screaming at my dissociative Gollum identity so I thought this was fine.
Kayleigh: The Tyler Durden Nygma plotline is so strange to me because Gotham already introduced the future Batman villain with a dual personality?
Sarah: Maybe the writers just forgot? Soon Nygma will be cutting himself every time he kills someone.
Max: I have no idea where Harvey Dent is this season. Probably sweatily buying anime swords off the internet. Watching The Riddler make out with someone made me uncomfortable.
Kayleigh: The Nygma/Kringle plotline makes me so uncomfortable because I’m just waiting for the episode where he (accidentally?) kills her and fully becomes The Riddler. It’s like when you’re watching a slasher movie and yelling “DON’T GO IN THERE!” at the girl who doesn’t know that the killer is in her apartment.
Sarah: I don’t know, she was kind of into him aggressively talking to himself. Maybe she’ll be the next Barbara and be his little evil sidekick. Probably not, though. She dead.
Max: It’ll happen in like a Christmas episode, too, for extra irony. Murdered by special guest villain Ian McShane Santa Claus from American Horror Story Season 2.
Sarah: And after the deed is done, the camera will pan to a single gift under the tree wrapped in green paper with little question marks on it.
ALL THE STUFF WITH LITTLE BRUCE AT SCHOOL FEELS LIKE A MANGA
Sarah: It must be weird to meet all the girls you’re gonna bone before you hit puberty.
Max: Man, Bruce is such a little nerd. Just getting instantly bummed out because a girl he likes didn’t immediately say hi to him.
Kayleigh: I hope Silver being Galavan’s ward leads to some Great Expectations shit where Galavan raises her to break a twelve-year-old boy’s heart just for funsies.
Max: One thing’s for sure: Theo Galavan loves drama and he’s NOT here to make friends.
Gotham airs Monday at 8 p.m. eastern on FOX.