Fox’s “Batman-without-Batman” soap opera is the most amazingly weird show on television. For every episode this season, Deadshirt’s own Sarah Register, Kayleigh Hearn and Max Robinson discuss the good, the bad…the beginning? of little Bruce Wayne, skinny Oswald Cobblepot, and Jim Gordon sans ‘stache as they try to find their way in the misery-soaked, work-a-day world of…GOTHAM.
Max: This week’s Gotham was basically a bunch of wild John Wick bullshit. Aw C’mon Gotham investigates.
THE SECRET GOTHAM MURDER SPEAKEASY HELL YEAH HELLLLL YEAHHHH
Max: The secret assassin club hidden in some Gotham dive bar is classic Gotham craziness, and I hope it sticks around. Missy from Doctor Whom as not-Roulette was a fun little part.
Sarah: I love that people are drinking and gambling at like 7 a.m.
Max: CRIME NEVER SLEEPS, SARAH.
Kayleigh: I love that Gotham has an endless supply of well-coiffed hipster assassins who are a phonecall away from killing every cop in town. Michelle Gomez’s first appearance got a happy little squeal out of me; I hope we see more of her.
GORDON VERSUS LIKE A MILLION GUYS
Max: Gotham not even trying to hide that they’re doing an Assault on Precinct 13 pastiche and I’m totally okay with it. Enjoyed piano wire liberal arts professor assassin’s little elevator scene with Gordon. Raul Castillo’s Flamingo rules, thought it was a surprisingly faithful translation of the Grant Morrison character. Imagine this guy and Mr. Zsasz in a scene together!
Sarah: Assassin #1 was like if Stanley Tucci played a dark Where’s Waldo, and I love him mostly because McKenzie got to growl that “your glasses remind me of a bullseye” line. And I am equally enamored with and repulsed by Castillo’s Flamingo.
Kayleigh: The elevator fight scene with the Piano Tuner was one of the best of the season, both funny and exciting. (“Caramel?”) This was my first encounter with Flamingo in any medium, and wow, shoutout to Gotham for introducing a pink-haired cannibal assasin like it’s no big thing.
ALFRED TO TEENS: PISS OFF
Max: I don’t think anyone hates anything as much as Alfred hates teenage girls. Alfred’s not falling for Silver St. Cloud’s Secret Garden horseshit, though, so props for that. I get a kick out of tiny Bruce Wayne in a turtleneck every time we’re gifted it.
Sarah: This is the first episode that I am #TeamAlfred because 12 year olds exchanging hotel keys is gross. No thank you, Silver. ALSO Alfred verbalized my constant complaint that Bruce is completely naive and incapable of working people over for intel. Kid has no game.
Kayleigh: When Alfred walked in I half-expected him to chase her away with a rake and put a “NO LITTLE MINXES ALLOWED” sign on the gate.
THE RIDDLER AND PENGUIN ARE MURDER HOMIES NOW
Max: I watched this episode last night and trying to remember these scenes now is like trying to remember a fever dream. Not even getting into the EXTREMELY GAY SUBTEXT of Riddler “outing” himself as a serial murderer to Penguin.
Sarah: Nygma dropping bodies at the foot of Penguin’s sick bed like a puppy bringing toys. Are they roomies now? Will they share the bed? Will they wear matching pajamas?
Kayleigh: Tonight on Gotham: Penguin and The Riddler star in Misery! Putting my favorite and least favorite Gotham characters in a room together was an interesting experiment, and it clarified why Nygma isn’t working for me this season. Penguin was Gotham’s breakout star, and Nygma modeling himself after Penguin (pasty eccentric who is surprisingly good at murder) feels like the show trying to repeat itself, but with diminishing returns. Call me when The Riddler puts on a neon green suit emblazoned with question marks.
Sarah: After seeing Nygma’s apartment in the daylight, his serial killer transformation seems kind of inevitable. I mean, is that not literally the Red Dragon painting above his bed?
GORDON DIDN’T MURDER A PERP IN COLD BLOOD. HE IS…GOOD MAN.
Max: So this was the kinda whatever conclusion to the whole “Is Gordon crossing the uncrossable line?” plot I guess? And then a random cop dies because of that decision because no one gets to be happy on Gotham.
Sarah: Ugh, I could have done without another young woman dying via neck attack. I get the message, and it definitely painted the Flamingo as a formidable madman, but it all left a bad taste in my mouth. And is this not the lesson that Batman learns all the damn time with the Joker? WE GET IT.
Kayleigh: “It all left a bad taste in my mouth” was also the first thing Flamingo said in his holding cell.
SORRY, SORRY. I totally get you. When the assassins first stormed the penthouse I was like, “Uh-oh, the cops are two white male leads and a recurring woman of color, who is going to die” and was pleasantly surprised that Parks survived, only to sigh heavily when Flamingo killed her. “Gordon’s capacity for mercy is his biggest weakness” is the kind of nihilistic garbage I expect to see on The Walking Dead and I don’t really need to see it here, though I am glad that Gordon still chooses mercy.
THEO GALAVAN IS HAVING A LOVE AFFAIR WITH THIS ICE CREAM SANDWICH
Max: “I have the worst fucking sister” – Theo Galavan
Kayleigh: I liked that Tabitha’s motivation was avenging Barbara–it’s the first real sign that their relationship had more substance than background girl-on-girl dominatrix titillation. But, um, how was Tabitha able to visit Theo in prison? Shouldn’t she also be wanted by the police for kidnapping Mayor James? Oh who am I kidding, the GCPD is fucking terrible at their jobs.
FATHER CREEL AND HIS ARMY OF HOLY NINJAS TAKE TO THE STREETS
Max: Why did it take like 15 guys to kill one police officer?
Sarah: Et tu, random Gotham docks security guard?
Kayleigh: I hope next episode features Harvey punching a monk ninja in the face and yelling “Welcome to Gotham!” Then he takes a big, strangely erotic bite out of a giant hoagie.
Max: Welcome to Gotham City, Large Sons of the Order of St. Dumas! HOPE YOU SURVIVE THE EXPERIENCE.
Gotham airs Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on FOX.