Fox’s “Batman-without-Batman” soap opera is the most amazingly weird show on television. For every episode this season, Deadshirt’s own Sarah Register, Kayleigh Hearn and Max Robinson discuss the good, the bad…the beginning? of little Bruce Wayne, skinny Oswald Cobblepot, and Jim Gordon sans ‘stache as they try to find their way in the misery-soaked, work-a-day world of…GOTHAM.
It’s the midseason finale of Gotham, and you know what that means: Watch exactly one episode and call 911! The bulk of “Beware the Green-Eyed Monster” pits Gordon against a now-homicidally insane Mario with Lee Thompkins’s life hanging in the balance. We’ve also got some Court of Owls intrigue and the kind of underworld betrayals and alliance-forming we all know and love. Gotham!
MARIO: SQUISHING HEADS AND TAKING NAME…TAGS
Sarah: Gotham doesn’t exactly play the long game when they reveal a new villain, huh?
Max: It’s kinda crazy that we got like a slow reveal on Barnes being blood-crazy, but we get Mario hopped up on Tetch Blood for barely over an episode. Kayleigh called it though, this guy sucks.
Kayleigh: Both Barnes and Mario were normal dudes who didn’t ask to be infected with Dead Sister Rage Blood, but while Barnes will probably be cured and given a redemption arc eventually, Mario turns into a Lifetime Original Movie Abusive Husband with superpowers. We should be feeling something more than “oh god just kill him already,” but here we are.
ACTING CAPTAIN HARVEY!
Sarah: Harvey, continuing to be the voice of reason even behind his flask, suggests Jim maybe take the day off. Instead, Jim quickly sets to work solving Mario’s crime scene and permanently ruining his own life.
Max: Harvey genuinely just wants the best for Jim and, in a rare moment of insight, figures that Gordon should stay the hell away from this obviously bad news plot surrounding his former fiancée and her now-insane murderer beau.
SECRET SOCIETY SPINOFF GANG COMMISSIONS UNDERAGE THIEVERY
Sarah: The remnants of the Whisper Gang (one guy) end up at Wayne Manor to lick their wounds and plan a heist!
Max: The B-plot of this episode being a mini-Mission: Impossible heist composed of 50% children is hilarious. Everyone gets a tactical turtleneck!
Sarah: Selina’s got her hackles up on stakeout because she feels someone watching them. Who could it be????
Kayleigh: Surprise cameo from Alec Baldwin as The Shadow.
BARBARA LEANS IN
Max: Fake-coughing “PENGUIN”! Barbara basically owns the show as of this season, huh?
Sarah: Seeing a powerful opportunity in Oswald and Ed’s murderously one-sided love affair, Barbara decides to put Ed on the right track in solving Isabella’s death.
Kayleigh: “Raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by Oswald Cobblepot–oh, sorry, Butch.”
A MAD MEETING
Sarah: A subtle clue (literally the word “Arkham” scrawled on his hand) leads Jim to Tetch.
Max: Jervis Tetch is here, and he has a new hat!
Sarah: Getting Tetch to accidentally give up intel by questioning him with rhymes is a very Batman thing to do.
Max: Who needs Hamilton when we can watch dorky 30 something dudes have a rap battle in nebulously period attire on our television?!
PENGUIN’S FATE SEALED WITH A HUG
Sarah: Choosing his words carefully, Ed gets a love confession from Oswald, proving a motive for murdering Isabella. Ed, visibly hurt, says there was a misunderstanding, but assures Oswald they can still be friends and wraps his arms around him. This is around the 4th or 5th time that Ed and Oswald have embraced this season, only this time it’s not a hug of subtext but instead confirmation of Oswald’s betrayal. Ed then heads to Sirens to plan Penguin’s destruction.
Kayleigh: They’re going to build another Carol Kane statue just to smash it in front of Oswald again.
Max: The first 11 episodes here have been some crazy musical chairs shit as far as Gotham super-criminal allegiances go, but everyone teaming up to fuck over Mayor Cobblepot is going to rule. Tabitha and Butch not even for a second accepting Nygma’s half-assed apology was great.
WED AND BLED
Sarah: Jim confronts Mario, playing so directly into his hand that it’s difficult to root for him at this point. Mario has Zsasz (yay, Zsasz!) babysit Jim just long enough to time his insane wedding objections to Lee perfectly. This plan is pretty ingenious: orchestrate scenarios where Jim appears to be spiraling while he desperately tries to explain that he’s not spiraling but failing to be believed because he is actually spiraling.
Max: Can we talk about how funny it is that straight up no one believes Gordon’s claims about Mario even though Gordon is walking around with like a pretty big forehead wound? Also, Gotham using people hiring Zsasz as a quick punchline is so good.
Kayleigh: Jim declaring his love for Lee right before her wedding broke my heart , that was some fantastic, intense acting from both Ben McKenzie and Morena Baccarin. Luckily, Earth-2 Jim and Lee are happily engaged.
Sarah: Is there a better power play than asking Carmine Falcone to please “remove” your ex?
THE OWL KEY UNLOCKS A SAFE CONTAINING…AN OWL
Kayleigh: Bruce and Selina’s Disney Channel remake of Entrapment was pretty great, and I love that the Maltese Owl looks like Great Aunt Esther’s favorite glass paperweight.
Sarah: Kato nearly takes down Alfred, Bruce, and Selina, who are admirably attempting to protect each other and are saved at the last moment by a mysterious woman…who turns out to be Selina’s mom!
Max: Man this was a pretty good reveal, we’re getting solid payoff to plot threads Gotham introduced very early on in the show. First the circumstances surrounding Gordon’s dad’s death, now Selina’s mom (who dresses like Stevie Nicks). I’m sure things will all work out well between mother and daughter!
OK, JIM, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS NOT MURDER MARIO WITHOUT PROOF THAT HE’S INFEC-NEVER MIND
Sarah: Lucius comes through with proof that Mario IS infected with Alice Tetch’s blood, so now Jim has a valid excuse to also ruin Lee’s honeymoon.
Kayleigh: Jim Gordon: “I swear I won’t kill Mario.” *doodely doodely doop* “I killed Mario!”
Max: “Gordon rolling up the Carmine Falcone’s lake house and putting two bullets in Mario JUST as he’s about to kill Lee, but oh no the knife fell into the water, so it looks like he’s crazy” is like a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode ending. I’ll say this: it’s a helluva scene to go on hiatus on.
Sarah: Jim could have called Harvey for backup but instead said “fuck it” and made himself a murderer (again), an enemy of Don Falcone, and hated by his true love forever in one fell swoop. Oh, Jim.
GOTHAM GOES ON HOLIDAY
Sarah: And with that, we’re gone til January!
Max: These first 11 episodes have been wild, but just consider that when we come back, we’re supposed to get Solomon Grundy and James Remar as Gordon’s sketchy uncle! I think this half of the season’s been largely pretty strong, but it’ll be nice to have less of a focus on Tetch and the whole 28 Days Later-style blood virus plot when the show comes back.
Kayleigh: Am I the only one excited for Jerome’s return? He’s already a better Joker than Leto, dammit! If nothing else, maybe Barbara will blow him up with a bazooka? GOTHAM, BABY!
Gotham airs Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern on FOX.