Fox’s “Batman-without-Batman” soap opera is the most amazing weird show on network television. For every episode this season, Deadshirt’s own Sarah Register, Kayleigh Hearn and Max Robinson discuss the good, the bad….the beginning? of little Bruce Wayne, skinny Oswald Cobblepot and Jim Gordon sans ‘stache as they try to find their way in the misery-soaked, work-a-day world of…GOTHAM.
PYGMANIA CONTINUES. Cops and crooks are teaming up to find Professor Pyg and prevent more crooked cop deaths. Also, Selina finds herself in a real tight spot and Bruce is developing unhealthy coping mechanisms!!!
GORDON AND BULLOCK PICK UP THE PIECES
Max: GORDON: Stop taking the Penguin’s money.
Sarah: Does Harvey even wear a bandage over his neck in this episode?
Kayleigh: All it takes to come back from a slit throat is a Luden’s Wild Cherry throat drop and a flask of whiskey.
OH RIGHT THIS SHOW IS ABOUT BATMAN
Sarah: I feel personally attacked by the title of this section, Max.
Max: Bruce is depressed and angry over the whole killing Ra’s Al Ghul thing and he’s taking it out on high society waiters!
Kayleigh: Bruce finally growing up to be a true One Percenter.
‘s actor had other commitments is visiting his bubby so Gotham replaced him with a two guns assassin guy named Headhunter, who just seems really happy to be there. I love the implication that Penguin probably interviewed this guy for a job.
Kayleigh: So did Penguin use a headhunter to hire Headhunter?
Sarah: If Zsasz’s bubby didn’t wave at him from the front door until his car was completely out of sight when he left, is she even his bubby?
TIME TO ANTAGONIZE THE POOR
Max: Uh hey Harvey are you seriously yelling “LET’S GET ‘EM!” at a building full of witnesses to a homicide??? Jeeeeesus.
Sarah: *smash cut to a shot of the GCPD Procedure Manual holding up the broken leg of Harvey’s desk*
Kayleigh: This is like the opening of George Romero’s Dawn of the Dead, but with less exploding heads.
HEADHUNTER’S HAVING A GOOD TIME
Max: Love to have a Mexican Standoff between cops and a bunch of criminal Mad Max rejects because a super-assassin dragged an old man on an oxygen tank out in the street to die.
Kayleigh: Are we gonna talk about how Headhunter is dressed like a character from a 1980s Road Warrior rip-off that probably also has space vampires in it, or nah
Sarah: There’s a pretty aggressive Rufio aesthetic happening in Gotham’s underbelly.
Max: Big year for this Bat-villain I’d never heard of: Not only is he on Gotham, he got murdered by Swamp Thing in a Tom King Batman annual!
PENGUIN HATES KIDS
Max: “Excuse me, little person.” Sophia Falcone has trained these creepy orphans well.
Kayleigh: Why would you even bring kids to the Penguin’s mansion, there’s probably a Gambino corpse dissolving with lye in every bathroom.
Sarah: At least two of those kids are ghosts who already live there.
SELINA’S GOT A STEALTH SIDE MISSION
Max: The Street Demonz! Like a crappy Sons of Anarchy that tortures people with motorcycles! They’re from the comics too I guess.
Sarah: I love that Tabitha points out that they’re the largest and most dangerous of Gotham’s MULTIPLE motorcycle gangs. The least dangerous gang is the one that races Alicia Silverstone in Batman and Robin.
Kayleigh: Selina: “Somehow I feel this is my fault.”
GORDON STOP MAKING PROMISES YOU CAN’T KEEP
Max: Man it’s probably not great that Jim Gordon, a cop who went to prison for murdering a suspect in custody, is “one of the good ones”.
Kayleigh: It sure would be nice if Gotham ever clarified what happened to Renee Montoya and Crispus Allen.
Sarah: I was just thinking this was the perfect time to bring in Montoya as Gordon’s new #2 in lieu of this new young woman who will just likely end up as fodder for Gordon’s guilt.
TEEN TOMMY ELLIOTT RETURNS
Max: Some teens are being mean to Bruce but in a passive aggressive way. Is this Riverdale? Are we watching Riverdale?
Sarah: “Welcome to the Island of Misfit Toys, Brucie.”
SELINA’S TWO MOMS ARE AT IT AGAIN
Max: Barbara’s too busy counting these thiccc staaaaacks to rescue Selina from the Street Demonz and Tabitha is not about it.
Kayleigh: Hey, Barbara is very busy turning into a Tilda Swinton character, here.
Sarah: *Barbara in a room full of literally thousands of guns* I just don’t see how I can help.
P Y G
Max: Professor Pyg’s really enjoying this campaign of whimsical urban police-centered terrorism.
Kayleigh: It’s so sad when community theater rejects turn to supervillainy.
Sarah: Is there like a reddit thread where all these burgeoning villains talk about their crush on Jim Gordon?
BARBARA BECAME A MIAMI VICE VILLAIN SO GRADUALLY NOBODY NOTICED
Max: Didn’t Barbara get Ra’s Al Ghul powers a few weeks ago? I mean admittedly, “dropping a bag of thai food to shoot some bikers in the head” is a pretty good trick.
Sarah: There was a montage of Barbara trying to test latent powers of flight by jumping off of larger and larger boxes, but it was cut for time.
Max: Well Harvey definitely shot another police officer dressed up like Pyg and one of those auto-guns from Aliens is slaughtering a mess of cops.
Sarah: This will definitely push Harvey back into his drink, which means we’ll eventually get the version of Harvey again where he can’t open doors because he’s holding too many pizza boxes.
Kayleigh: IT’S A PYG HUNT, MAN!
THE WOUNDED COP….WAS PROFESSOR PYG ALL ALONG
Max: Gordon has no idea what Pyg looks like so naturally he had to wear incredibly advanced prosthetics and hairpieces to fool him.
Sarah: Evidently, Gordon also has no idea what any cop in his precinct looks like.
Kayleigh: And Jim takes out yet another restraining order on a theatrical, animal-themed villain who calls him his “muse.”
HE’S HUNTING HEADS IN HEAVEN NOW
Max: Penguin’s had a bad day so it’s a roundtrip ticket to Stab City for Headhunter.
Kayleigh: His will bequeaths his gun belts to a busty stripper in a Sin City comic.
Sarah: The second stab wound is Penguin’s murder SWAK.
CHAMPAGNE NIGHTMARE BRUCE
Max: Bruce is teen drinking and kissing girls!!! Our precious boy, gone astray!
Sarah: Bruce is getting drunk on champers, what is this, 11am on a Sunday?
Kayleigh: Stolen shades: on. Underage alcohol: consumed. My pearls: clutched.
Max: Alfred is going to beat the hangover right out of him next episode.
THE GCPD SORTA DOES THE RIGHT THING BUT NOT REALLY
Max: Gordon saved a bunch of cops so now they AREN’T accepting Penguin’s crime licenses. Mixed message, guys!
Sarah: Gotham is setting up Gordon’s promotion to Captain based on the recommendation of a murderer in a pig mask. #thisisnotnormal
Max: In a show of wacky supervillains and actual magic, it’s nice to see cops portrayed accurately as civil servants motivated 100% by pure self-interest.
Gotham airs Thursdays at 8 PM on Fox.