The Pants Alive Manifesto [April Fools]

Our new look, our new outlook.

Our new look, our new outlook.

Since the site first launched in June 2013, has been your source for thoughtful, substantive commentary on popular culture. We’ve dedicated ourselves to thoughtful reviews and essays of big name and up-and-coming entertainers and artists, and avoided cheap, gimmicky clickbait. In essence, we’ve tried to be a different kind of pop culture site.

And it has been fucking exhausting. We just can’t fucking do it anymore.

Have you ever tried to hold a smile for TEN MONTHS? My face hurts. My brain feels like it’s melting. I can’t feel anything anymore. It’s time for the truth to come out – I, along with most of the site’s staff, are sick and tired of pretending everything isn’t terrible. Because it is. It so is.

Welcome to Pants Alive, your new pop culture hatesink.

Give me your tired plots, your poor productions, the wretched refuse of your dance clubs and bars. In exchange, we’ll give you our unfiltered snobbery, our nostalgic lamentations of how much better things used to be.

There is no art, there is no craft. We’re all just animals responding to flashing lights and thumping bass. None of it matters. Nothing matters.

Pants Alive. Everything is Terrible.

God, I’m so tired.

Post By Dylan Roth (156 Posts)

Deadshirt Editor-In-Chief. Writer of comics, songs, and rants. Collector of talented friends. Walking hideous geek/hipster stereotype. Aspiring Muppet.

Website: →